A Love Letter to Biggie by Justin Pines

How does it feel to become an icon? What does the process of going through that feel like? Seeing yourself as the same person you’ve always been but realizing the world sees you differently. What conflict does that create in you? How do you balance that? How do you deal with that pressure? How do you see these fears but not become them? How do you deal with the people who love and want to protect you who see what’s happening to you but can’t understand how that feels.

These are questions I’ve been dealing with a lot lately and I’m sure Biggie dealt with them too. The beauty of music and art in all forms is that it makes you immortal. I wasn’t 8 months old yet when Biggie died but the impact he’s had in my life is immeasurable. To be honest the impact he’s had in anyone involved in this culture whether they know it or not is immeasurable.

I get lost so often in how good he is. There’s such a deep gratitude I have for Pac and Big because they are why I can do what I do now. You know a lot of the time you don’t realize your changing someone’s life in that moment. It’s why it’s so important to show kindness and love to everyone (except the state. fuck the state) . I once had a friend tell me I saved his life when he was suicidal. And I couldn’t remember what I did.

I get lost a lot in the beauty of life and how people you think will mean nothing to you end up meaning everything. And that’s what Biggie is, was and will always be to me. Everything.

Do you know how many verses I’ve written trying to be better than Biggie? I’ve had to sat down with blank paper and set myself up for a climb on this mental mountain of I will write a verse as good or better than Biggie at least a 100 times. And ironically I think a lot of people would be crushed by that pressure. But for me I just get wrapped up in the love and beauty that Biggie was. Every time I hear “Notorious Thugs” I’m like damn I wish I did that.

“Armed and Dangerous

Ain’t too many can

Bang with us

Straight up weed

No angel dust

Label us Notorious”

That nigga was music. When I was a kid I believed music was magic (Which it is) but I believed you either had the ability to use that magic or you didn’t. And it was such a beautiful discovery learning that anyone can do it. Some of my closest bonds and friendships were formed over Biggie. There’s a real intimacy that’s formed when sharing music with each other and we have to cherish that.

My first CD I ever got I think I was 14 or 15 and my mom bought it for me for Christmas. It was “Ready to Die” the remastered version so instead of the iconic white backdrop it’s black. “Ready to Die” has no exaggeration some of the greatest songs of all time. Like man “Everyday Struggle”, “Respect”. “Everyday Struggle” is so vulnerable and human. Just to be honest enough with that emotion to say

“I don’t wanna live no mo

Sometime I hear death

Knocking at my front do

I’m living every day

Like a hustle

Another drug to juggle

Another day

Another struggle”

It was raw and captured a nigga’s day to day life. Like who hasn’t been there. And for me because my first love is film I see everything visually. Whenever I do music I’m hearing it but what I’m connecting to is what I’m seeing in my head. Like that’s the high for me making you hear what I’m seeing.

And Biggie painted pictures so well with his music.

“I’m seeing body after body

And our mayor Giuliani

Ain’t trying to see

No black man

Turn to John Gotti”

I WISH I FUCKING WROTE THAT. WHO STARTS A VERSE LIKE THAT?. That whole verse gives me chills every time I hear it. With music I’ve become super focused on execution. And Biggie is execution personified. If you listen to the beat of “Everyday Struggle” the part where the drum hits twice is supposed to represent death knocking on his front door. Genius.

“I got my honey

On the Amtrak

With the crack

In the crack

Of her ass

Two pounds of hash

In the stash

I wait for hon

To make some quick cash

I told her

She could be liutenant

Bitch got gassed”.

The second verse is one of the greatest verses ever too.

“Heard Tec got murdered

In a town I never heard of

By some bitch named Alberta

Over nickel plated burners”

DEAR WHITE PEOPLE please understand you can rhyme a hundred words and make that shit sound wavy just do it well and be saying something.

You know something that’s racist as hell? The fact we don’t hold rappers to the same level of status as those who are seen as “The greatest writers ever” Andre 3000 is every bit as good as William Shakespeare and I’d say better. Biggie should be regarded the same way Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald or any of the other dead white men America places value on are.

First off we have to talk about one of the greatest things about Biggie which is his humor. How many rappers in a beef where Tupac said

“That’s why I fucked your bitch you fat motherfucker”

Would get on a song and say

“If Faye had twins

She probably have two pacs”?

The issue with so many rappers today is they try so hard to just be an image and Big will live forever cause he was just himself. He exuded charm. He was chill, fly and dope as fuck but never tried to force it. There’s a section of rappers we don’t talk about. There’s a lot of rappers who can rap but they can’t make you feel. They can’t connect.

This is the beauty an Andre 3000 possesses. How he can spit

“How’s he God

If he lets

Lucifer let loose on us”

And it feels like he’s tapped into your soul and your existence and understands what your going through cause he’s saying what he’s going through. It’s why I love Eminem. As a kid Ice Cube was my favorite rapper and it wasn’t even because of his rapping. It was because the movie “Friday” was the first film I remember seeing.

I was 10 when I fell in love with how dope Eminem was. How good he could rap, How raw and personal he was. As a child I probably also connected to the anger of my father not being there. How big Em was also had to be a part of my childhood too cause when I was 6 I dreamt my grandma bought me “Eminem Show” which it’s weird I’ve never forgot that dream.

It’s very clear reading this hip hop saved my life. I wouldn’t be here without it. I’m sure I would have committed suicide if music had never come into my life. When I was 10 I had a moment of thinking I’ll never be what I want to be in this world so I just lived through fantasies. I became a hip hop superstar. My first single was called “Running From The Cops” it featured Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg of course. The second single I couldn’t remember the title but it was inspired by Eminem.

I was so sure I would never be able to chase my dream that I gave up before I even started. The beauty of hip hop is it’s given so many kids futures who would have never had a chance without it. Kids who would be dead or in jail. I have no real chance to survive if we’re going by society’s path. I dropped out of college.

My intellect is how I survived. If it wasn’t for rap me and so many others would spend the rest of our lives working meaningless retail jobs you can’t have a real life on.

It’s impossible to separate hip hop from revolution because hip hop literally is a platform for people to say their truth as raw and unfiltered as they want in the face of a society that oppresses us everyday. It bugs me out that this year Biggie will have been dead as long as he’s been alive. Tupac too. It’s weird for me now too cause I’m around the same age they were when they died. It feels weird to outlive your idols.

A friend of mine said she can’t wait to turn 30. But that thought scares me I’ve never seen myself getting old really. It just never felt tangible. With all the shit I’ve survived now I get shocked that I’m still alive. I wonder if Big would have those moments too.

I used to say to friends I did music with that we are in the faith business and that same thought goes into my belief in revolution. I believe we will win because there’s no other choice. But back to Big I wonder how he felt to be this icon and around all this pressure and all these expectations and your still just you.

On Saturday me and comrades took the Brooklyn Bridge and in all the chaos I kept thinking about my mother and how to her I’m just her son. No matter how my profile raises or what happens I’m just her son. A seed. And it calmed me down.

I think one of the most beautiful things about blackness is how we celebrate our ancestors. We have turned March 9th from a day of mourning to a day of celebration. It’s almost like a holiday where all the stations play Biggie. Where we honor and lift up someone who kicked down doors for all of us.

Wherever I go I carry Biggie with me cause hip hop is family, it’s revolution, it’s love, it’s rejoice. I have a friend who didn’t know “Int’l Players Anthem” (They aren’t black who would have thought?) And I tease them nonstop for not knowing it. But it’s also so beautiful to introduce my world of the music that shaped me to them and vice versa.

It’s a beautiful bond that’s really sacred. It’s like I’m sharing a part of my mom with them. With my next album I want to make the music that made me feel the way Biggie, Lauryn Hill, Tupac and OutKast did.

That magic and it’s been so fun creating and tapping into my blackness and the music that made me believe that this is magic. And that’s what Biggie is. He’s magic. He’s our family. He’s one of us. He’s a superhero. And when I die I hope to be as celebrated and my music to be as celebrated as yours is. In the meantime I’ll carry the love and beauty you shared with all of us in my heart and I can’t think of a better way to honor Big Poppa. Now it’s time to try to write another verse as good as him.

Peace forever

Love, Pines

“It’s all good baby, baby”

(Dedicated to Buzz and Thria sharing our love of music is one of the purest forms of love I’ve ever experienced)